Coming Home

"Why do you go away? So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. The people there see you differently too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving" -Terry Pratchett

This quote was on the program for our final convocation in Rome, and it has been bouncing around in my head ever since. Coming home is always hard for me. It's hard to readjust to family life, and most of all, it's hard to readjust to Littleton's laid-back pace. And by laid-back, I of course mean, nothing has changed in at least the past fifty years. I am really not cut out for small town living. I just really do not like it at all. I absolutely love big cities with all their convenience and, honestly, anonymity.

I'm a fairly quiet, shy person, and it's much more comfortable for me to just blend in with the crowd. In such a small county as this one, I am constantly plagued with the terrifying idea that everyone knows who I am. I was on the phone in Wal-mart the other day, and when I hung up I realized that half the county (who were, of course, all in Wal-mart because it was a Saturday) now knew everything about my life. I'm sure that in small houses all over the county, gossipy elderly ladies are worrying all about my problems, which is nice of them, but really, they don't need to bother.  They're nice people and everything, but I miss the ability to slide into the background.

I notice this particularly in one specific circle. When I was in high school, my family was still settling into Littleton, and our social circle was very limited. This was all fine and dandy until my senior year, when things suddenly went bonkers, and the drama level became unbearable. Now, most of my memories of the parish have a distinctly unpleasant flavor to them. I wish it weren't this way, but when you're sixteen, and you feel pressured to conform to some standard that is not your own and which is not something your parents are not sure that they are 100% comfortable with, you start to rebel. Now, let me make this perfectly clear. I am not the rebellious type. As a matter of fact, I am about as unrebellious as a person can be, but, like most people, I do not enjoy being told what to do, particularly if the person doing the telling has no right to do so.

So I rebelled- that is, fled. I graduated a year early, went to college, studied abroad for a semester, and was as generally smug about all my accomplishments as it is possible to be. For a very long time, I nursed a lot of anger and resentment towards those whom I thought had hurt me. Now, I suppose that most of the hurt was in my head, but it always gave me an unpleasant little prick whenever I'm with these people during breaks. I would always try to play up my own importance and accomplishments, so as to distance myself from the offending parties and unpleasant recollections. I would always think, "Don't they know that none of the stuff they care about is important?"

But coming home after a semester of historical, life-changing experiences has taught me one thing. That my own injuries are very small, and that in such a small place small things get blown out of proportion. And I also came to realize that these small matters are as important to these people, as my big, world-renown matters are to me. The lives of people here in Littleton matter as much as the lives of the trendy Italians, the Pope, and all the other people I admired on my travels. Littleton may not be much, but to some people, it's their whole world.

Long Time, No...Read?

Once again, I have sadly neglected my blog, and once again Joy has shamed me into writing another post! So much has happened since Easter, but I'll try to do a quick summary.

I spent my last month in Italy traveling and studying. We took a fantastic class trip to Venice and Florence. It was a spectacular five days, and it was the first time I really fell in love with Italy. Venice is truly one of the most exotic places I have ever visited, while Florence is just plain beautiful. The view from the top of the Duomo is just breathtaking. I also took a trip to Padua with some friends. I was already a big fan of St. Anthony before we went, but after visiting all of his shrines (including the one where he lived in a walnut tree!), let's just say I'm an even bigger fan. I also took a day trip to Tivoli with some friends, and we spent an idyllic afternoon wandering around the villas Gregoriana and D'este.

Of course, right after that, exams hit, and that was just unpleasant, so I'll skip the gory details. Then suddenly our Rome semester was over. I spent a very teary night packing to go to the UK and wishing that I was going home along with everybody else. But I boarded my plane to London and made no attempt to sneak onto the plane back to Philadelphia. Once we stepped out of the airport and into London, however, I had absolutely no regrets. I grew up in England, and being there once again was amazing. My three friends and I had a whirlwind trip through England, Scotland, and Ireland, before they headed home, and I went to spend a few days in Cambridge, where my family used to live. I'm sure I'll write another post about my time in Cambridge, but let me just say that to be "home" for the first time in ten years, was the best experience I had during all five months I was abroad.

After four very blissful days, I came back to the US! As awesome as Europe was, I had really missed my family and friends, and it was fantastic to see them again. I was especially happy to get to spend some time with Joy before she moved. We had a great time, and even though she's only been gone a week, I really miss her.

I had five days at home to get over my jet lag, then I packed my bags and headed up to camp for a week. Now, going to overnight camp is a ton of fun, but working as a camp counselor is exhausting and, very often, thankless work with bad pay. I do enjoy working at camp, but this past week was rough, especially since I was already exhausted from all my traveling. I did survive, however, and now I'm back home for a little while.

I'm at loose ends for the next month, but I'm working on some craft projects, as well as reading some poetry in preparation for my Junior Poetry Project this fall. And watching a lot of chick flicks. Yeah, mostly watching chick flicks, but Y'know...

There will be more detailed posts forthcoming, but I just wanted to check in and say, "Hey" (and that I didn't die in Europe, in case you were worried about that). 

Buona Pasqua! (Now Totally Belated)

Happy Easter! I hope you all had a blessed and happy Easter ! Thank you all so much for reading and know that I will be praying for you while I'm here in Rome.

We had an amazing Easter Triduum here in Rome, but by the end, I was utterly exhausted. Due to daylights savings here in Europe, I only got two hours of sleep between the Vigil and my 5:30 am bus to the Vatican; it was a hard morning to say the least. In the rush to get out the door I somehow ended  wearing what is possibly the most ridiculous outfit ever. At Easter Sunday mass with the Pope and in the front row, no less.  I have no photographic evidence, but I will tell you it involved tennis shoes, a pencil skirt, and no tights. I was heartily embarrassed to say the least.

Mass in St. Peter's Square was absolutely lovely. They brought in live olive trees, which were in special planters in front of the statues of Peter and Paul. The steps leading up to the basilica were covered in flowers, and the sun shone down from a cloudless, blue sky. There was beautiful music, beautiful people, and, of course, the Pope. After the drudgery and exhaustion of Holy Week, it was a truly beautiful event.

After Mass we got the obligatory after Mass pastries and headed back to campus, where I slept until dinner, which was amazing! Our Italian kitchen staff truly outdid themselves with a huge chocolate Easter egg and 105 place cards made from pure sugar! It was truly a beautiful and joyful day

In Which We Are Young and Spontaneous

Well, here we are in Munich, having a lovely time, as could be expected. We were going to head up to Berlin tomorrow, but due to a complicated variety of circumstances (read, no planning) we are now going to Salzburg. It's not usually a thing I would do, but since we left booking tickets until the night before, I'd say we're doing pretty well. In less than a hour, we managed to get train tickets and a hostel. Not bad. Not bad at all.Go, team, go!

Sure I'm disappointed about Berlin. I was really excited about it, but I wouldn't say that I'm €300 disappointed. As it is, I'm getting to go to a city I was interested in visiting anyway.

I'm not a very get up and go kind of person. I like planning. I like when other people plan, and we're not doing it the night before. But, hey, we're in college. This is what college students are supposed to do. We're supposed to have spontaneous adventures, right? So that being said, we've really enjoyed our time in Munich, and I'm sure we'll have a blast Salzburg.

PS- in case you couldn't tell, this whole post was basically a "Hi, mom, we haven't died yet" kind of post.

Sic, Habemus Papam!

I wasn't going to go into the city yesterday because I had a paper to write. I told myself that I wasn't going to go. I was going to sit in my room and write my paper. I was. I really was. I told myself that there wouldn't be white smoke. There was going to be black smoke; I'd be disappointed, and I'd waste a lot of time that should be spent on my paper.

But I went. In spite of my paper, I went into the city.

It was raining when my friend, Grey, and I got to St. Peter's, but it didn't deter us, we pushed and shoved our way to the front, ducking under umbrellas and around people. Then there was no where else to go, so we stopped. We weren't terribly close, but then again, we weren't to far away either. I couldn't see the chimney because of all the umbrellas, but that didn't really matter because it was going to be black smoke anyway. So we stood there for about an hour. Someone's umbrella nearly took my eye out, but other than that, it wasn't terribly exciting. Maybe I should have stayed home and written my paper. Dum de dum de dum.

Then there was a gasp. "Oh," I thought, "Black smoke." But everyone was screaming, Grey grabbed my arm, "It's white, it's white!" He shouted. Then I was screaming too. The crowd surged forward, but we were ready. Elbows out, we charged through the crowd trying to get to the barricade. The bells were ringing, people were shouting, laughing, crying, singing. "Habemus Papam!" We all shouted.

We didn't make it all the way to the barricade, but we were dead center in front of the balcony, so it didn't matter. Even once the crowd could no longer move, the bells kept ringing, and the white smoke kept pouring from the chimney. Everyone was still cheering: "Viva il Papa! Viva! Habemus Papam! Viva!" The noise was deafening, and I was joining in. We sang, laughed, shouted at the people in front to put down their umbrellas and flags. We kept laughing, singing, and shouting. Where was the Pope?

Grey and I were absolutely ecstatic. We were in St. Peter's square when the white smoke went up. We were there, we had a great view. Where was the Pope? We sang along with the Italian seminarians next to us. We shouted, "Viva!" At the tops of our lungs. We sang the Salve Regina. Is someone we know holding that giant American flag? I think so. Where's the pope. I wonder what name he'll choose. Viva! I have no idea. Oh my goodness! We're here! Habemus Papam! We're here. We're going to see the pope. Oh my goodness! Viva! Habemus Papam! Umbrello! Umbrello! Put the umbrella down! I wonder what's taking so long.

The ecstatic happiness of the crowd didn't wane at all in the thirty minutes we waited for the new Papa.  The energy of the entire church seemed concentrated in that one tiny place. Everyone was either laughing or crying with joy, no one could stop. We were all there! We were all going to see our new papa! The emotions were limit less.

Then the lights in the rooms behind the balcony went on. Silencio! Shhh! Shhh! Oh wait, never mind, they just turned the lights on. Oh wait, wait. Never mind. Where is he? I'm so excited! I wonder what name he'll pick. Not Benedict the 17th or Peter the 2nd, I guess. Oh, oh, oh! They're opening the doors! Hurray! Hurray! Silencio! Shhh! Wait, what's that he's saying? Shhh! Who? Cardinal who? Wait, what? Okay, okay. Shhh! Silencio. Hurray! Viva il Papa! What did he say? Who is it? What's his name? Gosh, I didn't realize how bad my Italian was.

Wait, behind us. Wait, I heard them say Jesuit. He's a jesuit. Okay. Bergolio? Who? I have no idea. What's his name? Wait... Francesco! Francesco! Francesco! Francesco? Francis! He chose Francis! Francesco! Francesco! Viva il Papa! Viva! Wait, Francis the what? Goodness, there's never been a Francis before! The first ever Francis! This is crazy! So much history in one semester! What a great time to be in Rome! Francesco! Francesco!

Oh, oh, oh! Here he comes! Hurray! Hurray! Papa! Papa! Papa Francesco! Papa Francesco! Oh, oh, oh, wait. Shhh! Silencio! Silencio! Brothers and Sisters... Uh huh, understood that. What's he saying? What's he saying? Hmm? Oh, Ave Maria, gratia plena... Oh, this is in Italian. Mumble mumble mumble. AMEN! What's he saying? Oh, pray for me. Okay. Okay. Why are we all quiet? Oh! Praying for him. Right. This is the most deafening silence I've ever heard. Now it's time for the blessing, but there's not room to kneel. In nomine Patris et Filio, et Spirito Sancto. AMEN!

Well, there he goes! Goodness! We have a pope! We were here! Here! In St. Peter's Square when it all happened! We definitely picked the right time to come! Oh my goodness, I'm so happy I could burst. I've never been so happy in my whole life!

And that's how it happened. I haven't been able to really sort through my feelings about it yet. I'm just so happy! And so glad I was able to be there. I miss Pope Benedict, I really do, but I love Papa Francesco so much! All I can tell you about the whole election, is that everyone was so happy, so ecstatically happy, and the joy was infectious. I actually saw a conga line of Franciscans dancing through the square, chanting, "Francesco! Francesco! Francesco!" At the top of their lungs. We were all smiling and smiling. And ejaculating about how lucky we were to be there, and how sure we were that it wouldn't be tonight.

After we left the square, we decided that a proper meal was in order, so, of course, we stopped at Habemus Pizza for pizza and a fanta limone before charging the metro to get home. Even the metro was infectiously happy. Little nuns chattering away, young people laughing and joking, and the elderly smiling.

When we got back to campus, the occasion obviously called for champagne, so we broke some out, drinking first to the health of our Pope Emeritus, then to our Papa Francesco. The first pope from the Americas! The exuberance lasted well into the wee hours, then finally we all fell into exhausted, but very happy sleep.

Habemusne Papam?

The day's finally here! It's been a long wait for all of us here in Rome; most of the Cardinals have been here for weeks, and the excitement has been mounting by the day! The first vote will take place this evening, and I for one, plan to be in the square when the smoke, white or black, goes up for the first time! I'm seriously hoping that the new pope is elected before I leave for Germany on Friday. Maybe it's a bit much to ask, but I have a feeling that maybe, just maybe, Jesus will give us all that gift. Of course, I want the Cardinals to vote carefully and take the time to elect the right man, but if they could do it sooner rather than later, I'd be very very happy.

Prayer for the Conclave:

Heavenly Father, We the People of God, gathered in solidarity as did the disciples in the Upper Room, pray for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the cardinals who will be in conclave for the election of the next Vicar of Our Lord Jesus Christ. May the hearts of our cardinals be open to the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, beyond human judgment, to elect the candidate most pleasing to you, Heavenly Father, and who will guide the Church at this momentous time in history at the beginning of the Third Millennium. We invoke our Mother Mary, united in prayer with the disciples in the Upper Room, to intercede for the cardinals to select the next Holy Father in docility to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, her divine Spouse, Holy Mary, Mother of God and of the Church, we entrust this conclave to your maternal and Immaculate Heart, and offer these prayers for your guidance and protection over the choosing of the next Vicar of your Son. one Our Father one Hail Mary one Glory Be

Our Lady, Queen of the Clergy, pray for us!  

Papal Update

Once again, totally behind on everything, including blogging. Rome is an incredible place right now, so much energy and excitement!

It's impossible to express how blessed I am to be in Rome at such an exciting time. I remember driving to the airport, and thinking, "Y'know, I could just stay home. I don't really have to go to Rome." Little did I know that only a month later, I'd be caught up in the most exciting thing I've ever done. Not only did I get to attend the last public mass, but I was also there for the last Papal Audience. 

The audience was fantastic. St. Peter's square was absolutely jam-packed with people from all over the world. Flags were flying, people were singing, and the mood was completely joyful, as we waited for the pope to arrive. We all had our backpacks crammed with religious items for Benedict to bless, and we had our intentions, so that our friends and families back home would also get the blessing.  As the time approached the tension heightened, and it was all I could do to not jump up and down in my seat. 

Then a voice over the loud speaker began calling the names of different groups from different countries. First Italian, then Spanish, then German, and finally, English. We all waited with bated breath while the voice called the other university groups. At first, I was afraid that we wouldn't be called. But finally they called us, and we cheered at the top of our lungs, waving our flag proudly. It was the most elating feeling to know that the pope knew we were there, and that we loved him and were loyal to him. After several more languages, the voice stopped, and we were caught in suspense for another ten minutes. 

Then the organ blared out, and everything fell silent, then, to one side, the crowd caught sight of the Pope, and the square erupted in cheers. I ran through the crowd, and for the first time, got to see Pope Benedict up close. 

I was so elated, and I remember shouting, "Papa!" as the pope mobile drove serenely past. When I could no longer see him, I turned around and saw two of my friends trying to balance on a small plastic chair in order to see over the crowd. Then we resumed our seats, as the audience began.

The moment the readings began, the entire crowd was completely still and silent. Then the pope made a long address in Italian. Of course, I couldn't understand it at the time, but the line that stuck with me after I read the translation was, "The heart of a pope expands to encompass the whole world." I think this really sums up Benedict's pontificate. A simple, German scholar becomes pope, and God gives him all the graces to fulfill his duties and then some. 

After the Audience, we went back to campus to hold our traditional Greek Olympics. Or at least, we pretended to. In reality we were waiting for the papal helicopter to fly over, so we could bid one last farewell to Papa Benedict.

(James Bernard or Ryan Reedy)

As we lay on the ground, we saw the helicopter hesitate, and a tiny white speck appeared at one of the windows. Then as it moved on, towards Castel Gandolfo, we all ran after it, cheering. It was a very personal goodbye from all of us here on campus.

Later, a friend and I went up to Castel Gandolfo. We'd missed the very last speech, so it was very quiet in the piazza even though there were cameras and news crews everywhere; The whole town was hushed and joining the Pope in prayer. I bought a rosary from a small shop, and spent the last hour of Pope Benedict's pontificate praying outside the papal residence. 

Then the clock struck eight. Very slowly, the Swiss Guard saluted, and then, noiselessly closed the huge wood doors. Then, it was all over.